Such a great verse

This is what has brought me back to hip hop. THe thing this verse has in common with some of my favorite non-hip hop songwriters is that its speaks on life and it puts things into perspective without making the words all pretty.

Sixtoo's verse on "Testimony", which is off of Sage Francis's mixtape Sick of Waiting Tables

how far will he travel?
the essential interpretation watching the sequential falling of the dominos.
which one will stay erect? a microcosm where every effort is just that.
it's just maps, papercuts, and the photos to prove the strength.
he followed the family, alone as the next member.
california dreaming of moving out there in september.
i sit in admiration, knowing that the weakest link
is also the one that holds the pillars on the brink
of collapse. relapse is the replay of emotional disarray,
sustaining the stains of teardrops on his t-shirt.
sometimes, taking for yourself is harder than giving.
those who want to give up, living in the circumstance.
dance around the issues of dealing with the problem,
drudging through the uncomfortable streets of dispairity.
all's fair in love and clarity,
and also ignorance.
chains don't always hold the fingerprints.

When everything is helpless

Please be realistic.

Everything is stoopid!

But it wasn't always that way.

We've now come to the point where we buy certain clothes that fit in closely to trends. We buy so much food we gain too much weight and don't know what food we need to eat to maintain our health. We go to school because parents force us or so we'll get a job that will pay us so much money we'll buy our whimsical happiness instead of pursuing a career because we can contribute something to the world while making a decent living. We buy houses that have more rooms than we can sleep in to cover more surface area on the globe, that we feel so guilty for 'warming', than we can walk on. We create a government that regulate everything, nothing, or something in between try to control everyfuckingthing instead of giving aid to people. We study our environment until we know just how we can manipulate it instead of deciphering how the average health of a human being can be elevated.

BUt it wasn't always this way.

But we're not leaving it like this. WE're doing all the right things for the wrong reasons and forgetting why the tasks were created in the first place or why it is good to do certain things.

I feel this largely effects how happy the average American, and human being, is. We'll try to at least look happy or successful just because we're not aware that we have everything we need in our house with food and family or no family. We're so heavily integrated and interact with each other, its hard for me to understand just how lonely some people can be, but the fact is that they're lonely. They are alone and they wish they weren't. But as a living creature, if you can feed yourself, have a place to sleep, and can sustain those two things, you have all you need.

Here's to hoping we can all take pleasure in knowing we're alive and taking care of ourselves even if we don't possess the most material items or know the most people.

Only a virgin would say this right? LAWL

Fuck fucking. It, like anything else we obsess over, nullifies
itself over time after we accomplish it. To be with the memory of
doing it is said to be better than being without, but once its a
memory, its not a sensory experience at that moment in time. Which
means its just like anything else: you're as happy or sad about it
as you make yourself, consciously or unconsciously. Of course it
doesn't help that vaginas and dicks are shoved down all of our
throats by way of tv, the internet, or whatever the fuck.

So do something that lasts longer...like torturing a woman in your basement who contains all the characteristics of females that have hurt you in the past...or maybe just read a book. The latter is probably better, per se, because its not illegal.

Conscious Thought

Have you ever marveled in that fact that you can hear something inside your head, without any known external causes?

Conscious thought is amazing in that way. If you hear anything more or anything less, you're considered a nutcase (schizophrenic or sociopath respectively). Do you hear your own voice or how you perceive your voice to sound?

How about the ability to imagine things? Or remember things? Conscious thought is capable of so much, and I think that thinking and searching and basically fucking around with it (on your own, I don't mean scientifically or in any immoral sense of the word) can help to learn more about yourself, and maybe people in general.

Neurological indicators of conscious thought show that there is brain activity, thats how but why is it there? I'm sure (but not certain) that philosophers have wrestled with this for centuries, and I've thought about it alot myself. And I don't have a fucking clue. I've taken several classes that touch on the topic but nothing has hit me.

All I'm saying is that you can work out and exercise more than just your biceps and lats (and all the other corny lingo weightlifters use for multisyllable words they can't produce), you can do the same thing with your mind.

Think about it. Pun intended, biotch.

P.S. Imagine how fucking crazy the concept of a sub-conscious level is.

The Beach

This movie is incredible. I highly recommend anyone watch it for a number of reasons. THe main one being that it shows the depths of apathy human beings are willing to commit their selves to if the sanctuary of their society is threatened by the discontent, whimpering, suffering, or pain of another person. That people are quite happy, comparably so, if the evil doers and miserable people who threaten our blessed lives are kept out of sight.

In the movie a member of the secret society gets bit by a shark and is incapable of not bemoaning constantly due to the pain he is in. First there is sympathy for him because he was victimized, but after a while, everyone begins to loathe him for making too much noise and being a killjoy. They decide it would be best if they placed him somewhere in the woods and left him to die out there as opposed to audibly doing the same where the populace are attempting to enjoy their paradise.

This reminds me significantly of how often people are willing to let sufferers be. Not just in the case of people who get rich and don't give a shit about anyone except those that visit or live in their luxurious abodes. But also those that maintain interaction with normal people who don't make them reevaluate their lives. People become rejects because of this. Its the sole purpose any one person is not accepted whether in high school or a corporate job. Hell, what this society considers a weirdo is also less likely to even get a job at all. But those that do are the butt of a plethora of jokes and a few displays of artificial comradery. They don't get the chance to form close bonds with males or females because everyone's afraid of something thats mroe different than usual and people don't want to believe that not everyone has the same likelihood of being the successful normal person who loves life until its over.

"See my neighbor beating his wife....because he hates his life" - Third Eye Blind, "Slow Motion"

So people kill someone else or themselves because they can't have the life they see on TV or they're put in some hospital where they are kept in order to regain/regenerate their sanity, which is truthfully just one's ability to focus on a delusion for a proposition better known as the American Dream.

Its bullshit. And its sad. I wish I could say what to do about it, but there are so many people who will never have many things and I hate the thought more than anything. More than I even hate the idea that I may be one of them. One of the ones that won't get married or settle into some successful job because something beyond my control dictated the outcome of my life.

Anyways, the ending of The Beach really brings this into perspective with what circumstance De'Caprio is put in. Once more, I highly recommend watching the movie. Its a fascinating film. Well written and immensely realistic as well.

More than anything.

More than hope, more than love, satiety, approval, availability, sex, education, currency, fame, fortune, fascination, desire, life...

Search for clarity. Look in the places that are most clear because once you know what you're seeing, its easy to decide what to do. And emphasize it yourself. If you jump into a decision on a fleeting whim, you risk being unhappy. Indeed most great things are attained after a great risk is taken, but so are the worst things. People go broke taking risks. Not to frighten one from taking a chance; we can't always know just what we'll be entering, but if you can find the finite, pursue it.

If you ruin anything...

Do so by being yourself.

You can't wreck relationships you were compatible for by being who you are.

I forgot about this thought

About a year ago I was facing hell due to hot weather and trying to get a girl that apparently didn't like me ...to like me. Passively, of course. I'd not be in my current situation if I was more forward and blah blah blah. BUt after it became clear that shit wasn't going to happen because she told a friend to tell me that I was too friendly or nice, I felt like shit for a whole summer.

What I came to idealize was that being happy is bullshit. And I'd give it up only because of what it implies oppositely, which is that everything that makes you upset has to be absent or overcame for you to take solace in anything. Which is to say that you're only happy when something that makes you sad is not. For me to really love and enjoy having a girlfriend, I have to hate or at least feel lonely from time when I'm single. For me to enjoy a good movie, I have to feel like I have wasted time while watching a shitty one.

Don't get me wrong though, one can definitely find a medium between how much you can appreciate a person and not being miserable when you're around someone, but its an unfortunate fact that the we love things most when we need them most. You'll appreciate your first meal in hours a lot more than you will appreciate a snack. Sure, the snack might taste better, but once you get that meal in your gut after hours and hours of no food, you'll be glad you ate it. ANd you'll feel relaxed once you do so. WHere as if you eat a snack, you'll either want more or just do some other shit like rub one out or get bored while watching playboy. Oh, well, still, you may not do that, but these are just examples.

THe neediest of people, the clingy weirdos, the nice guys who come off as way too desperate, they're all the people that, once in a relationship, are willing to do anything for their partner.

What I'm saying is that these needs we have for various things are natural and the way we long for them when we don't have them is natural. There is no need to fear being single or hungry or wishing you had some job that pays more than you have now or wanting to be anything or anywhere you aren't currently. This will only cause you fear and distress. My advice would be to try focusing on other important things that have been lingering around on your mind's to do list. This way, you're producing for yourself instead of diminishing.

You've got to get MAD!

This is probably the starting point for my current discontent. No matter how complacent everyone seems, no matter how much people think they know everything is fine and things will be fine as long as we all walk down these lines that have been painted on an archaically redundant street, things aren't as they seem. And hearing this speech made me say fuck everything. Some things have got to change, most things have to be done away with.

Even if you don't quit your job, go out and start a revolution, or stop buying fast food, you've got to get mad. You've got to say something here isn't right, even if everyone is trying so hard to keep their glass houses in tact. Our civilization won't fix itself. YOu've got to reevaluate everything. Question other peoples questions. Say no to habits you've built up and help someone. Change the way you think and change who you've allowed yourself to be solely for the fact that people won't discredit your self-worth. I will, even if no one else wants to.

When I Grow Up

When your a child, you tend to always use the term "when I grow up", as some sort of planning for the future, and mapping out your dreams. What is the term for a 20 year old, that planning out his dreams or the rest of your life? I would love to use the term "when I grow up" but it doesn't fit, because I'm grown up now and that scares the shit out of me. I am affraid to conform to what my peers think living a good life is. Somedays I want to go outside and shout at the top of my lungs for no reason what so ever. I hate when people ask me, what I plan on doing with my life, because I have no idea what the rest of my life is, but I am scared that every day I live, the more time i waste waiting for life to start or happen. I read somewhere or saw on a movie that life is the moment's you sit around waiting for stuff to happen.  shit, I'm just venting.

hm.

I'm Back.

I'll let them be

I've managed, somehow, to grow tired of loathing the women that don't like me. The ones that I fucked up with and were humble, they're officially cool people. Probably not going to talk to any of them ever again, but the fact of the matter is that they're humble people. If they don't wanna bump uglies and fall in love with me, so be it, but it is my hope that they at least dont change.

The rest of those bitches that were too optimistic or bubbly for me and wanted some tough alpha pseudo male to compensate them for delusional fears, fuck em.

This is once more the outgrowth of my maxim, so to speak, which is appreciate those worth appreciating. Male or female, I might not click with every person kind enough to truly offer freely of themselves to those they can, and some of them might pray to a God I curse at, or they might just be whores, but the underlying characteristic that allows me to sleep at night is knowing that there are still people who don't feel the need to fucking show everyone how big their dick is or how immaculate they think they are. I'm not getting into ratios. I've gotten over the whole concept of majority a while ago. There will always be more fools and cowards than brave and modest souls, and thats fine, because you really can't change anyone. And if you do, its by chance that you strike a chord in them that makes them reevaluate their life.

So love those who love you, appreciate those who appreciate you, and distance yourself from fools who don't know how to say thank you.

I've got you under my skin

"because of you and him, me and her not growin
this shit isnt goin.. tha way that its supposed to
she tell me every night she wish she woulda came before you
i tell her everyday i wish she woulda came before you
but we live in a world where wishes dont come true

damn i love you..
so much that i hate you
but i hate that i love you
i wish that i could hate you."

Sole - Exhile (2008)

1 The American Standard (3:25)
Producer - Sample 208
2 Terror In The Water (4:42)
Producer - Sample 208
3 Self Fulfilling Prophets (4:18)
Drums - José*
Guitar - Jaime*
4 I Can't Stand (Pt.1) (4:17)
Drums - José*
Guitar - Jaime*
5 The Binger Is Over (4:19)
Drums - José*
Guitar - Jaime*
6 Allieverwanted (Original) (4:53)
Producer - Fuat Yüksel
7 Nothing Wrong (Pt.2) (4:29)
Drums - José*
Guitar - Jaime*
8 Middle Aged Rapper Blues (4:29)
Guitar - William Ryan Fritch
Download: http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?ztcnzwiozzy

Each song on this cd is so filled with truth and blatancy that its hard for me to even post it. I'm not posting Selling Live Water or Bottle of Humans or Sole & the Skyrider band for that very same reason, which isn't to say that nothing else he's made isn't honest, but this is a sincere act of promotion on my behalf, and I would feel less...right...if I posted the aforementioned songs.

So here's at least a quote per song:

The American Standard
"sit, citizen. Stand. Run, lie down."

"we were good sports, but we made much better game."

Terror In The Water

"What came first the bullet or the factory?
What came last the ad or the article?"

"Find new shadows to taste but never
even wonder where the light comes from"

"Don't wanna be every man because every man ain't me"

Self Fulfilling Prophets

"after a pat on the back comes a kick in the ass"

I Can't Stand (Pt. 1)

"who's misanthropic? must be the broken philanthropist
with no pot to piss...but a hand...to scratch thy empty hand
and ask thy self to break more bread from thy daily bread"

"in my dreams we're all jesus already,
seems we've been on autopilot"

"recognize love, hold it like a gun to your head
maintain a healthy distance from that which you know
has become tainted. give til your blue in the face
but all your work was indeed in vain...carry on
like it ain't so, because it aint so"

"life was so bittersweet, killed me off minute by minute
somehow I wasn't dead."

"i've seen worse but never been so happy since
when I realized we were all doomed from the start"

"i've only made two compromises
first was being born
second will be dying."

"I can't stand to watch my fellow man living a lie
'cuz theirs must be so much better than mine."

The Binger Is Over

"american's don't die, we're cloned
WE settled the west WE built the schools
kicked out the prince. They stole our tools
Now we look like an "O Well" nightmare."

Allieverwanted (Original)

"state of mind in a state of boredom."

"know thyself cuz once you fail to you're easily forgotten."

Nothing Wrong (Pt. 2)

"if this is as good as it gets, give me a gun
let me finish the job"

Middle Aged Rapper Blues

"30 years later, your father's still a drug addict and alcoholic
He ain't learned a damn thing
And you don't wanna be like that
And the FBI don't even know ya name
Sick of the sound of my own voice
And the dogs piss everywhere they can
And everything smells like garlic
And its too late to go back to college
or try to get a job and tredge on"

" You're too young to sing like tom waits and don't wanna make music for 18 year olds who think they know everything."

Wise words from a metal head.

It is better to destroy, than to create what is meaningless. - Keith Buckley.

The Ocean - One With The Ocean

I'd say the video at least captures america very well. Especially the ending with all those favorable items coming out of the horn.