People really don't enjoy considering everything, or most of reality. Seriously. I was thinking about how most of the people in the world doesn't even consider alternatives to creationism accurate or rational. I don't think thats necesasrily because they can't sit down and think about what is here and what both we and the universe are made up of, I think its because they never do.
ANd I think they never do because of how consuming these kind of thoughts are. There are tons of songs about this type of thing that songwriters write while stuck heavily in a moment of debate about all that we are. Songs are often the results of those deep, cosmic moments when a feeling so deeply or engulfing is felt. Same thing people usually end up feeling about death. I think that gives us a strong hint at what depression is about. No body gets depressed about having to fucking buy a new keyboard. We get depressed about immense changes that occur and must force us to some how become, what we view as, another person with new characteristics, new ideologies, new abilities, new pass times, new loves, new hates, new boredom, and so on.
And this would explain my pain. To consider all the moments in life that I do does consume me on a day to day basis. In the words of Dostoevsky, "I don't want to lie. Ivowed to myself not to." I don't tell myself death is some transition to a sweeter pasture where God reigns, I also don't tell myself its a burning pit. I hold on to these thoughts about my own death, the death of others, the consciousness of rent/love/food/careers/pain and all else we feel. I guess thats why jokes give us so much solace at times. Make a joke about death, and it seeps out of your unconscious mind and seems less of a threat because it makes you laugh at someone elses misery or something.
And whats worse is I don't let myself misunderstand anything. Nothing. I don't have to know everything, but I want to be able to see the effects everything has on people. And there for every object, is an effect.
Which leads me to what I learned from an essay by Tim Kinsella of Cap n Jazz and, well, if you know Cap n Smhazz, you know what else he was in. He wrote an article about why a bunch of bands from some magazine should disband, but on a larger scale, why most music today is insincere and artifice and said "if TV and reality can be so interwined, past signifiers of rebellion is rebellion, and this is punk rock, why not?" Meaning if tv and reality can be so intertwined, the line between cause and effect blurred, symbols of past rebellions encouraging current rebellion, then why can't punk rock also have that same effect on people? Specifically, I believe the effect he was talkign about was rebellion, but it made me consider just how much we're manipulated by, even without knowing. From the way people talk to you growing up, to the way every fucking street has to have a billboard or some ideal a business believes you should covet.
To go back to my point, I deeply consider what the effect of everything is, and what role it plays in manifesting our perspectives about life and how to deal with tragedy, disappointment, and success. This is a lot to fuckign think about. I say that not as a cry for help or an acknowledgement of triumph. But I do feel that if we should actually make progress, we have to be willign to face our fears of feeling like pawns in the rich's hands or scared as fuck by the thought of what may be inevitable.
And to go back to my original, now almost completely forgotten, point: I suppose considering all this makes me indifferent to and hateful of a lot of things that are supposedly the best things this world has to offer. I may change my position in the future about somethings that I now hate, and as long as I have an appreciation for human life, love, indignation, and peace, I don't give a fuck. I've learned to welcome change in my philosophies, and changing the broad ones can only change me so much. This would be why I don't even consider most of the shit people say, because I know its backed by an artificial love for very unnecessary things in life. I might seem like a bigot, but I'm not. I'm just certain that people don't give a shit about anything important. Now I'm mad.
This moment of veiled narcissism is brought to you by god not helping, music helping, women refusing, and men controlling. Also by knowing that the biggest amalgamation of people in LA in most recent years has been parades in celebration for a fucking basketball team.
No comments:
Post a Comment