Count your horror stories of attempted trust. Recollect. We then compare and decide we’ve equally been outdone by strangers we’ll never see again. Afterwards, mutual disinterest is the universal result; the only exceptions proving the rule: love takes a little distrust of self.

I can love you because I want to feel less alone, or I can love you because I want you to feel less alone. But only the latter requires me to imagine a consciousness independent of my own, and equally real.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/15/magazine/why-write-novels-at-all.html?pagewanted=2&_r=4&ref=books

We hold on to our wants for so long, and so strongly, that we forget they too deserve to be criticized. Nothing is worth holding on to that relentlessly, especially if it is a person who has not even proven to be equally enamored with you.

On moving on

Every relationship ends with the question, “can I and should I seek to have that with another person?” ‘That’ meaning whatever the relationship was like. If the answer is in any way a no, moving on is pretty much nawt going to happen. Eventually it may become a yes, at least for me it has. Godspeed to you if its still a no after months or years. Love and the pursuit of it is one of the few remaining joys. One of the last processes of unification that we need.And to give up on it means I give up on someone else who needs it as much as me. I’m not ready to give up on love or people. Not yet.

I came to the realization a while ago that I’m not worth living for, not alone at least. Thus I must seek to love someone and be kind to people. Kindness as social protest, thats how I see it. Its too many reasons to be a fucked up, insensitive person these days, and I won’t deny it’s a lot easier to do so. But you’ve handed over more of what little hope there is if thats all you’re willing to be in life. I say this not to scrutinize or condescend any cynics or misanthropes, I’ll be cursing humanity again one of these days. But these days I’m making an effort to hold on to the good in me, the faith that there is still altruism and love in people though it is exhibited very rarely. I’m hardly saying its rational, I’m saying its necessary.