I will not charm, I will not entice with dishonesty. I will not be so beguiling, I forget, or never allow a woman I am interested in, see my true self. That is not me, and if I should acquire her heart, or whatever, then I will do so by transcending the friend zone because she has already left that idea altogether. If she should be so concerned with having many a male friends, then I do not want her. If she should consider love so irrelevantly that she'd risk going to bed alone another night, forgoing the possibility that I may very well be the friend and lover in one that she needs, waiting to meet the perfect stranger she probably won't meet, then I do not want her. If I ruin anything, I will do so being myself, and nothing, and no one, else. I will not tease, I will not charm. I will not be cool, I will be calm, resolute and abiding.
I long for a day when we quit admiring people that make the statements we want to live by, and start making the statements ourselves and living by them. What integrity do we have if we are so subject to the whims of society, better known as the mass we compose but do not express ourselves through, that we never become the undertow or vehemently indignant tide forcing banality out of our sights? I have not digressed from my original idea here; if we are to ever love, we must decide to be ourselves and quit pretending. Quit chasing ideals that are not visible even in the slightest capacity in our current reality. And if I must be a fool, or be a stunning, conniving, generic man cordially interacting with the opposite sex so that I may ensure company on my dying day, then I will not have company on my dying day. Being happy and satisfied with life means there is no lack in quantity of what one wants. My life is as simple as that. I will pursue this goal - to be with one I can love and to be someone of emotional value to others - and I will fail or succeed. Feels like Notes From the Underground because I don't even have a reason to, but I will stop here.
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