You want to be something more, to make yourself impervious to change and inscrutable to yourself. Forgo reality, and just build your own ship to sail across continents a la photographic moments you swear are far greater in beauty than the stillness of a kiss. If I never understand woman, I will profusely deflect blame. I don't see any fault in an honest presentation of my will and intentions. ANd i do not see any fault in wanting love to actually fucking last. It would appear that the minority is always in harms way like they were standing at the epicenter of a quaking intersection. Everything comes crashing in, and crashing, and crashing. Fighting each other with subversion and indignation, but not conscious enough of the hopelessness that should be the very fuel in our lungs that makes a bed a place to rest, not live. No fucking clue what the future holds for any of my friends, or the women I've wanted to be with for a lifetime. And its frightening as fuck. Its terrible to know that I've never been the one making the decision to let go. A million false starts. No apologies sent my way because everyone else knows better. Because apologies only lengthen the misery, by some unknown fucking standard. I call bullshit. If any closure is to be had, it would be as the result of understanding that there is no further potential, or at least no significant amount, worth pursuing. And how the fuck can that point be reached if I'm always kicked away and shoved right back down into this sinkhole of deprivation? But still I must remain nice. If I'm not kind, then what the fuck is the point of living any longer? Its a bigger waste of life than murder to remain bitter and hostile in regards to everyone all the time. One must at least try saying, about someone new or old, this person is less likely to hurt me than whoever first scarred us. We are such fools. Such fucking idiots to make the natural process of aging more difficult than it is.

"You wanna know what ruins us, just take a look at how we love." - some shitty poem of mines.

"Its getting tougher to say the right things." - Unbroken.